It may be really annoying at times.
It may be really impacting how you’re showing up.
But it’s not a disorder.
It’s a response. And while it can be very painful at times, it’s also simply not some internal defect, failure or weakness about who you are – it’s simply a 100% natural part of being a human being. That doesn’t mean that it’s not painful or negatively impactful in our lives at times – it just means that it’s not inherently bad.
Which is important, because the lack of that shame or judgement is what allows us to safely explore these parts in the first place. Since it’s not bad – and we don’t have to deny its existence or impact in our lives – we can actually create some space for it.
On that note, here’s 5 key things to understand about anxiety.
1. It’s an Emotional Alert System.
Anxiety isn’t the problem. It’s the signal pointing at the problem.
And the “problem” is actually a suppressed emotion. You know, the bio-electric sensations that you experience in your body like, all of the time? Yes, those are called emotions and they’re very real and they’re very impactful in our lives. Feelings. Emotions. Energy. Bio-electric sensations. Whatever language feels best for you, they are there and when they are suppressed, denied and avoided long enough, our body alerts us to this – in the form of a collection of symptoms that we call anxiety.
It’s a bit like the check-engine light in your truck. The light isn’t the malfunction — it’s not another thing to suppress — it’s the warning signal that something under the hood needs attention. And that something is the thing to make some space for.
2. It’s a Psycho-Somatic Experience.
Which simply means it exists in your mind and your body together.
And specifically within your central nervous system — which can’t always tell the difference between physical danger and emotional danger. It just responds to what feels unsafe. So if you’ve learned, been taught or been conditioned to feel unsafe in the face of your emotions (or any other potentially triggering scenario, of course) – then you will experience the uniquely physical and mental symptoms of anxiety.
It might start in the body as a physical sensation – increased heart-rate, perspiration, hands shaking, etc – and then lead to the mind with racing thoughts, critical thoughts, and even flat out scary thoughts – or it could be the opposite. It might start in your mind first and then lead to a real physical experience, which in turn makes the thoughts tougher, and around and around until turning the volume down somehow is the only option.
The point is to understand what’s true for you – how you experience it – and then adapt and align yourself accordingly.
3. It Makes Human Connection More Challenging.
And this is arguably the toughest part.
When anxiety is present, it’s not like our minds and bodies are just open and ready for connection. Of course, not.
When your system is signaling to you that there’s a present threat (even if it’s your own emotion), you inherently protect yourself even more. You armor up. You shut down. You fake laugh. You perform. You go quiet. You second guess. Or you do the opposite and you attack, you project, you get loud and you push others away somehow. Either way, what’s not happening is safe, warm communication that’s lead to great, valuable connections.
And sadly, these adaptive responses from us can really last. And they can quietly erodes things – like relationships and focus and creativity and energy. Left unattended, anxiety can absolutely shrink you into an overwhelmed shell, just going through the motions and trying to survive to the next day, which naturally isn’t exactly fertile ground for great communication and great connection with those that matter in our lives.
4. Anxiety is the Root of Addictive Behaviors.
Whenever we can’t find a way to open, share and connect with others about what we’re experiencing, the anxiety we’re experiencing becomes more and more uncomfortable — and in response to that growing discomfort, we attempt to regulate ourselves with other “tools” or substances. “Addictions” can certainly be very damaging in their own right, but ultimately, these things are just primitive tools we’re using trying to turn the volume down on growing anxiety.
Alcohol. Screen. Porn. Cannabis. Cocaine. Pills. Shopping. Working.
You name it – and anything that offers a little relief can quickly become an addictive behavior. Partly because, the relief these things offer is always temporary. So what happens when it wears off for a bit? Why, the anxiety comes back of course — and around & around on the vicious cycle we go, hoping the train doesn’t negatively impact your life too much.
5. Anxiety is 100% Your responsibility to Understand & Regulate.
You’re not a victim. You don’t have a disorder.
Medicine can be a very healthy part of the solution, but it will never be the solution. You’re a human being with a brain, a body and a life that is unique to you – and thus, it is ultimately 100% your responsibility to understand and align with it. That doesn’t make it easy, but then again, neither is suffering through life with the anxiety and addictions of just coping, especially when you’re actually in a position to enjoy your life more and more these days.
Nobody else can do it for you. Your spouse can’t do it for you. Your friends and family can’t do it for you. Great people can support you, but the work of understanding and healing your own personal anxiety is 100% yours.
And that’s not a burden. It’s an invitation. It’s upside. It’s opportunity to create what you truly want to, because without the weight of anxiety always holding you back, you’ll have more power, focus and energy to cultivate what you truly want to right now.
That’s skill development. That’s self-growth. That’s leadership. That’s insert-your-powerful-buzzword-here.
And while it will be hard at times – you are undoubtedly capable.
Thanks for reading this far, I hope this is valuable for you.
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I’m Scott McElroy and I’m an Executive Coach. I work privately with senior leaders in finance, tech and commercial real estate. If anxiety is something you’ve been dealing with, I made a 40-minute workshop about it right here. Otherwise, I appreciate you reading and I wish you the best with everything over there today.